Purple Haze

Okay, so I did an early pregnancy test today and it was BFN (big fat negative) so I think I may need to do the injectables. I am not looking forward to excessive bloating and nausea, but hey, it's for a noble cause right?

Nadia and I just spent our entire morning and afternoon trying to select another donor since three out of the four original donors we selected have retired!

We settled on a German, French dude, which may seem a bit odd since I am African American and she is Latina, but judging from the message board, this is someone who seems to be very fertile. At this stage in the game--round 4--I really need someone who is an open donor who can get me pregnant sooner rather than later.

So here we go again, but this time around I will have the pleasure of being pumped up on fertility drugs.

Upping the Ante

I just came from the Dr. and he told me that if I was not pregnant this round, he recommends that I start large doses of injectable fertility medication.

Ouch!

The protocol lasts for 10 days.

I hope I am pregnant.

Baby Daddy Drama

So, I just tried to order sperm for my next insemination and it turns out that two of my three possible baby daddies have retired.

What?!?

I can now choose to start all over again and try to identify two more donors, so I have more in rotation, or I may have to just hope and pray that donor 37## is always available when I need him.

This is both depressing and anxiety producing. Selecting a donor is a very time-consuming process. And at the end of the day, you never know if you've made the right choice.

I want to puke.

What is in a Name?

It took me forever to decide what to name this thing. I had all kinds of names, none of which were right. I wanted a name that would truely represent all that I am-- a partnered black queer trying to have a baby, but somehow they all seemed reductive. I wanted to be deep and simplistic at the same time. I wanted to pay homage to my ancestors and celebrate my heritage all within the simple confines of my blog name.

Some of the names I came up with include:
afrosis.blogspot.com
isishibiscus.blogspot.com (don't ask!)
queerconcepts.blogspot.com
queerwomaninsearchofmotherhood.blogspot.com
newworldqueerafricanmotherjourney.blogspot.com

Then after many months of consternation, Nadia came to me and said, how about 'Egg Drop'? I immediately liked it because it made me think of all of the time I have spent waiting for my egg to meet up with one of the millions of frozen sperm that I have had injected into my body twice a month. My life's time clock has been shifted to accommodate that tiny egg, and everything else has been framed by my new sense of being and time.

Like the eggs in an hour glass, these are the days of my life...

Have you met my partner??????

I went back in for an ultrasound today and introduced the dr no bedside manner to my partner. He was polite.

Trigger shot tomorrow night and then two subsequent days of IUI.

I hope this works.

Intercourse and Miscarriages

So I had an ultrasound today with the bad Dr (not my Dr) and he was very cold. At any rate, he did not read my chart. He told me that I should take the trigger shot in two days and have intercourse that night with my husband to be safe and then come in for an IUI.

What????

I was a bit floored because my Dr knows I am a lesbian. In fact, he asks about Nadia all of the time. But this was not my dr. This was the Attending Dr, the one I had to deal with whether I wanted to or not because my Dr had the day off. This was 'Dr no beside manner'. At any rate, I was silent because there I was completely naked from the waste down.

He saw my face and said, "I did not mean to freak you by mentioning your fibroid. It is one of those hard-to-call fibroids and I would just wait to see if you have a miscarriage or two and then think about removing it."

Again, speechless.

Anyway, I sat on the table for several minutes after he left trying to compose myself. Once I finally got dressed he came in and said he had made a mistake. He told that he "just realized I was a donor assisted IUI and suggested I come back tomorrow because donor IUI's require more monitoring."

No, shit!

Fun with Fertility

So now my dr is saying that I need to take fertility drugs. We tried to get me pregnant without medications and now I need to take pills to stimulate ovulation. I can hear my grandmum's voice again--this is unGodly.

Pushing grandma aside, I had to run to the pharmacy to get the pills that will make me bitchy and cranky for the next few days because they stimulate the brain to produce more estrogen.

Fun.

If this doesn't work, we will do fertility shots and then in vitro fertilization. Will my bank account support in vitro??????????????????

Oh, and his parting words were, "and if you invest more money in this process you may want to revisit whether or not you want to have surgery to remove your fibroids. I know I told you did not have to worry about it, but as these treatments become more complicated, you may want to think about it."

Thanks, Doc.