Friday, March 30, 2007

Bling, Bling

Trying to get pregnant is expensive. I just ordered two vials of IUI sperm and it put me back $800.00 what? I don’t really know how I am going to pay for all of this sh*t!

Last night we went to my bio mom group and it was fun. Most of the women were white with the exception of an African American lawyer who has a white partner and a white woman who has an Asian partner. It was really wild! Everyone was at different stages some were just starting out, others had already tried IVF-twice, one couple had just tried a home insemination and one woman was even pregnant. Ages ranged from 28 to 44. Everyone felt anxious and excited. And it was fun to hear about their experiences.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Livin Large

Wow, I am actually excited but very scared because Nadia and I are going to go to our first biological lesbian mom support group this week. I am nervous for the obvious reasons—fear of the unknown, fear of ridicule, etc, but I am also nervous because I don’t want anyone at my job to know what I am doing and this community is so damn small. My quest for anonymity is one of the reasons why I have chosen to keep this blog anonymous. I have always been the type of person to keep my private life private, but at the same time, I am going to need a support system to get through this journey. I also feel more comfortable writing what comes to mind, knowing that no one knows who I am.

Here we go.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007


I am very disappointed in my extended family right now.

As background, my family is from the Caribbean, and we are disbursed all over the Diaspora, including, the UK, Canada and, of course, the United States. My mother died 20 years ago and her side of the family is the clan that I grew up with. I used to go to the Caribbean every other year to visit my grandparents and cousins. I stopped all of that when I came out 10 years ago because I knew what they thought of queers.

Some of my relatives know that I am queer and some do not. Some of my relatives know that I live with my partner of 7 years, Nadia, and some do not. All of them are devoutly Christian.

At any rate, one of my relatives took it upon himself to do a google search on me and made a discovery. I am a lesbian. Apparently, after that, he emailed all of my relatives to let them know. And, for the most part, they disparaged me via email. Yesterday, I called my aunt and she told me the entire story. She said that she would not listen to any of them and that she would always love me because we are all sinners. I am angry and disappointed with her and all of my relatives.

I am angry that we still live in a time where people have to risk their lives just to be who they are. And I am angry that I have to parcel out my identities. That it is still such an incredible challenge to be Caribbean and Queer.I am angry that I have to fight my family to have a family with Nadia.

Monday, March 12, 2007

My Baby Daddy?!?

Who will be my baby Daddy? Have you ever poured over a sperm donor catalogue? This weekend my partner, Nadia, had our first taste.

" Donor #345 has a cleft chin."

"Donor #567 is 5'9 with dark curly hair". "

"Donor #789 has an MBA and says he loves his mother."

The new era in genetics is very overwheming. And I am not quite sure how I feel about it.

But I do know that I want to have a baby.

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Catching the A-Train

Wow! This is my first attempt at a blog!

I desparately need this space to chronicle my journey. My partner and I are going to start a family and we are excited, scared, and very, very happy.

This is definately a time to celebrate new beginnings.