CD1

It didn't work.

Damn.

Killing Time

1DPO

Don't you just love A. Ged.de?
How cute is this photo?

One Can Only Hope

I can only hope that this is what is going on inside of me right now. I am feeling the ovulation pain. No pain, no gain, right?

Two more weeks to go. Ugh!

Slimmed Where Everybody Knows My Name

So I have been officially slimmed. Today Dr. Feelgood injected me with about 17.5 million spermies. How exciting! And it turms out that I have about 4 or 5 eggs in play but, of course, you never know what may happen. Tomorrow I go back for another round.

What is weird about going to the RE these days is that everyone there knows my name now. I feel a bit like a celebrity and it is bittersweet. It's sweet to feel like people are routing for me. They really cheer me on and know my story and there is something comforting to that. But I am a wee bit bitter about my 1.5 year long worth of visits to the RE's office. I long for the day when I graduate back to my OB-GYN where I am blissfully anonymous. Until then, I guess, you can just call me 'Norma'.

Bloody H*ll!

Christmas did come early this year, but I did not get the gift I was hoping for. Unfortunately, I got my period; in fact, it came a few days early.

I have to admit that this intimate discovery reminds me so much of the first time I got my period the summer of my eleventh year. Upon seeing the blood, I felt, shock, confusion, and shame. I also remember a pervasive sadness-- perhaps a mourning for innocence lost, mixed in with a fear of the unknown. Today the feelings are exactly the same.

Inevitably with me, the anger creeps in. More than anything else right now, I feel very angry. My donor had a 45million sperm count with 60% motility and now this.

WTF?!?

I am angry because I know that the next step, according to my RE, will be to discuss my options regarding fibroid surgery. I don't want to have surgery! At the same time, there is a chance that the fibroid has an effect on my fertility. There is also the chance that I will get pregnant and have complications due to the fibroid.

Grrr!

I wish my reproductive functions were more in line with the fantasies my mother inflicted on me when I was still young, innocent, and naive: “be careful or you will get pregnant,” she said shortly after I got my first period.

What a joke!

One Tornado, One Flood, Two Angels, and An IUI: Are You Experienced?

Okay, so today was the second of two IUIs. And, as you know, it rained cats and dogs in New York City last night. Nadia left early with the car, before we realized that there was no public transportation.

Once it dawned on me that I might miss my chance, I fell into a panic: How the heck was I going to get to the drs to have my IUI?

I have been on injectable medication for 9 nine days. This was my fourth round of IUIs and a lot is riding on this one. If this doesn’t work, I have to have surgery to remove a worrisome fibroid.

Talk about egg drop drama!

I was supposed to get to the office by 9am and it was 8:40am. The streets were teaming with folks who wanted to get to work. The buses, when they did come, were filled to the brim and there was no way I was going to make it on time.

Suddenly, I spotted my neighbor in the crowd, and by chance I asked her how she was planning to get to work. She said that she was just offered ride to mid-town, which was exactly where I needed to go.

“I’ll take it!” I exclaimed.

“Excuse me?” she said.

I stammered, “Um, I mean, can I get a ride with you?”

She softened and introduced me to her new friend, Allison.

Allison and her husband had just moved here from North Carolina, so they were still pretty friendly. They had yet to develop that New York 'tude we are famous for. “Where do you work?” Allison asked. "Well, I work in Chelsea but I have a doctor’s appointment in mid-down." She encouraged me to jump right in to their luxurious toyota corolla. The ride was quick and painless. Virtually perfect!

My North Carolina angels smiled sweetly as they dropped me at my doctor's doorstep. When I walked into the office, Imagine by Lennon was playing. I got there right on time. Everything seemed to be falling into place.

Despite the tornados and flooding, I had my IUI right as scheduled. The doctor said that my donor’s sperm count was 45 million (oh my!).

About an hour later, I had the most horrible cramps ever! And they are still going strong. I hope it’s a good sign. No matter what happens, this is definitely an IUI experience, I will never forget.
But, let me keep it real, I do want to have my baby.

Up, Up and Away!

Tomorrow, my beautiful stomach and I are going to float to the drs office for the first of two IUIs. I will be singing a song, but it won’t be the classic hit by the Fifth Dimension; it will be my favorite Jimmy Cliff song, “You Can Get It If You Really Want.” Whenever I need a little inspiration, I remember the chorus: “You can get it if you really want, you can get it if you really want, but you must try, try and try, try and try, you’ll succeed at last.”

As I float tomorrow, I will remember Jimmy’s prescient line, how much I really want the egg to drop, and the fact that this try really could be magic.

Lucky 7

My donor # this cycle consists of four numbers that add up to the number 7. I was never into numerology before, but trying to conceive (ttc) has broadened my horizons.

The number seven has magical powers. Afterall, it is the number of the gods, featured prominently in Roman and Greek mythology and the Holy Bible. Also, let’s not forget that the number seven can be found throughout popular culture, ranging from Prince’s seminal classic Seven to cartoons such as The Seven Dwarfs. Last but not least, in the gambling world, Lucky 7 images are derived from the game of craps, where rolling 7 wins.

This week, I will have two IUIs and Nadia will be by my side. I have a good feeling about this cycle. Despite feeling bloating and perpetually tired, I feel relaxed and open to the possibilities.

I recently met some other women who can relate to my trials and tribulations. And in spite of their own egg drop drama, they are still standing.

I'm feeling lucky.

3 More Days to Go!

Nadia and I arrived at the drs at 6:45am today to get in line. I was number two. After a blood test and ultrasound, my dr told me that I need to inject for only three more days.

Yippee!

I can't wait until this part is over. Then it's two IUIs and the TWW.

One day at a time...

Fun with Needles!

For the last four nights, my belly has been our injection site. Tonight we are aiming for the upper thigh--fun!


This round with injectable fertility medications is an infuriating and infantilizing experience. I feel helpless and angry but I am not sure why. I am very emotional and totally zoned out at the same time. Everything interaction seems heightened but I also feel detached from my surroundings.

The routine that Nadia and I have developed around these injections is extremely intimate and intense. We are bonding around needles and fertility medication. If nothing else comes of this, bio-tech has brought Nadia and I closer together.


How ironic!

What A Feeling

I feel bloated, nauseous and tired.

I am tired of the injections and it has only been three days.

I will see the dr. in a few days and he may decrease the number of vials we have to mix together. But even if he decreases the vials there will still be one needle per night for at least seven more days and that is what I am sick of.