Sunday, August 19, 2007

Bloody H*ll!

Christmas did come early this year, but I did not get the gift I was hoping for. Unfortunately, I got my period; in fact, it came a few days early.

I have to admit that this intimate discovery reminds me so much of the first time I got my period the summer of my eleventh year. Upon seeing the blood, I felt, shock, confusion, and shame. I also remember a pervasive sadness-- perhaps a mourning for innocence lost, mixed in with a fear of the unknown. Today the feelings are exactly the same.


Inevitably with me, the anger creeps in. More than anything else right now, I feel very angry. My donor had a 45million sperm count with 60% motility and now this.

WTF?!?

I am angry because I know that the next step, according to my RE, will be to discuss my options regarding fibroid surgery. I don't want to have surgery! At the same time, there is a chance that the fibroid has an effect on my fertility. There is also the chance that I will get pregnant and have complications due to the fibroid.

Grrr!

I wish my reproductive functions were more in line with the fantasies my mother inflicted on me when I was still young, innocent, and naive: “be careful or you will get pregnant,” she said shortly after I got my first period.

What a joke!

6 comments:

MD Baby Maker said...

That sucks. It really does.

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear such shitty news (and from Maryland babymaker too - I can't comment on her blog cos I don't have a blogger ID).
It is indeed a hard road to travel. be kind to yourself.

None said...

I'm so sorry. That sucks.

I am sorry, too, about the prospect of possible fibroid surgery.

Take care.

Lo said...

That is crap. I rage at the universe along with you.

Anonymous said...

Yuck. I'm sorry for your early holiday. That is horrible. Good luck with the dr.

Anonymous said...

AaAAAAARrrrgggH! No chance that it is implantation spotting, eh? I was sure you were pregnant. Perhaps I jinxed you. Sorry.