Sunday, August 19, 2007

Bloody H*ll!

Christmas did come early this year, but I did not get the gift I was hoping for. Unfortunately, I got my period; in fact, it came a few days early.

I have to admit that this intimate discovery reminds me so much of the first time I got my period the summer of my eleventh year. Upon seeing the blood, I felt, shock, confusion, and shame. I also remember a pervasive sadness-- perhaps a mourning for innocence lost, mixed in with a fear of the unknown. Today the feelings are exactly the same.


Inevitably with me, the anger creeps in. More than anything else right now, I feel very angry. My donor had a 45million sperm count with 60% motility and now this.

WTF?!?

I am angry because I know that the next step, according to my RE, will be to discuss my options regarding fibroid surgery. I don't want to have surgery! At the same time, there is a chance that the fibroid has an effect on my fertility. There is also the chance that I will get pregnant and have complications due to the fibroid.

Grrr!

I wish my reproductive functions were more in line with the fantasies my mother inflicted on me when I was still young, innocent, and naive: “be careful or you will get pregnant,” she said shortly after I got my first period.

What a joke!

7 comments:

MD Baby Maker said...

That sucks. It really does.

vee said...

Sorry to hear such shitty news (and from Maryland babymaker too - I can't comment on her blog cos I don't have a blogger ID).
It is indeed a hard road to travel. be kind to yourself.

Co said...

I'm so sorry. That sucks.

I am sorry, too, about the prospect of possible fibroid surgery.

Take care.

Lo said...

That is crap. I rage at the universe along with you.

calliope said...

oh for fuck's sake! I am so so sorry. An early period is the worst.

so sorry.
xi

j said...

Yuck. I'm sorry for your early holiday. That is horrible. Good luck with the dr.

oneofhismoms said...

AaAAAAARrrrgggH! No chance that it is implantation spotting, eh? I was sure you were pregnant. Perhaps I jinxed you. Sorry.