Christmas did come early this year, but I did not get the gift I was hoping for. Unfortunately, I got my period; in fact, it came a few days early.
I have to admit that this intimate discovery reminds me so much of the first time I got my period the summer of my eleventh year. Upon seeing the blood, I felt, shock, confusion, and shame. I also remember a pervasive sadness-- perhaps a mourning for innocence lost, mixed in with a fear of the unknown. Today the feelings are exactly the same.
Inevitably with me, the anger creeps in. More than anything else right now, I feel very angry. My donor had a 45million sperm count with 60% motility and now this.
I am angry because I know that the next step, according to my RE, will be to discuss my options regarding fibroid surgery. I don't want to have surgery! At the same time, there is a chance that the fibroid has an effect on my fertility. There is also the chance that I will get pregnant and have complications due to the fibroid.
I wish my reproductive functions were more in line with the fantasies my mother inflicted on me when I was still young, innocent, and naive: “be careful or you will get pregnant,” she said shortly after I got my first period.
What a joke!