Sunday, September 30, 2007

Inching Towards a Perfect World

Nadia talks about foster care and adoption a lot! Sometimes I hate it and sometimes I'm moved by it and sometimes it hurts my feelings because I feel as if she's rejecting my spawn.

Today, we had a great exchange. I think we've finally come to a meeting of the minds. But please don't hold your breath-- I don't want your demise on my conscience.

Nadia and I have 'decided' that we will have two kids. First I will give birth and then we will adopt a foster child. For those of you who have been following this egg drop drama, this may seem like a so what, but for Nadia and I, this is actually a watershed moment.

We debated on whether or not to have kids for approximately six years. We debated whether or not we would have one or two kids for the same amount of time. Throughout the majority of our relationship (we are approaching 8 years), I have been completely ambivalent about having kids. For most of my life, I rejected the idea of motherhood in its entirety.

So, I know that it is a bit odd for Nadia to discover that giving birth is all I think about. On the other hand, Nadia has shared my ambivalence about starting a family for the longest time. As a teenager she used to fantasize about having five kids, but she was never clear on how she actually got them. At any rate, it's strange for me to discover that she is passionately committed to adopting a foster child. I never knew how much that meant to her. Sometimes you discover a thing about a loved one while she is discovering the same exact thing about herself.

I think that the TTC journey, particularly these last few months, stirred up a lot of thoughts and emotions for Nadia.

So, despite the fact that Nadia accompanied me on my first visit to Dr Feelgood, my wonderful RE, and helped me pick out donors on numerous occasions, I now know for a fact that we were at a bit of an impasse while I was actively trying to conceive.

Now, I think we have moved significantly closer in our approach to childrearing. I think that this forced break has given us time to breathe and hear one another. And the fact that we can actually hear one another makes all of the difference. Little by little we are figuring out a way for us to both get what we want.

In our perfect world, we both win and Godot gets a sibling.


Lo said...

That sounds like a great plan! It must feel good to have clarity with each other.

Co said...

It is amazing how much we learn about ourselves and our partners during our journeys to our children. I am glad that you and Nadia are learning more about what is important to each of you.

oneofhismoms said...

Congratulations. To quote the Indigo Girls (I'm such a lesbian) The sweetest part is acting after making a decision...

so on with the sweetest part!

calliope said...

plans are fantastic- agreeing on a plan is even better!

Anonymous said...

Absolutely wonderful news. Sounds like busy times ahead, so as some one else said, enjoy the current quiet times, you will not see them again for 17 years!!