Tuesday, January 22, 2008

The Official Tougher than Tina Cycle

So I am officially naming this cycle The Tougher than Tina Cycle.

I know that Cali says that I don't have to be tough for the IVP (and I love you for that, Cali!), I know I can let my hair down with you gals, but I'm feeling the need to cling to something "extra" this cycle to get me through.
Otherwise I feel like I might completely melt with despair. It sounds silly, but it is true. Everyday I wake up to face an extremely challenging work situation. I do think that the stress is getting to me.

And there are the damn RE visits. Last Saturday, when I saw Dr. Feelgood (the one I like), he told me that despite the recent increase in injectible medication, I only have about three eggs to play with this cycle.

And, then he said to me, soberly, 'well your ovaries just aren't responding like they used to."

"What? What do you mean Dr. Feelgood, last cycle I had 10 eggs, which is why Dr. Killjoy decreased my dosage. I don't understand."

"Well, what really matters is how many eggs get stimulated, not how many follicles you have."

To me, he was speaking gibberish and after waiting two hours to see him on a blistering Saturday morning, I just didn't have the energy for his word maze.

But now that I'm home in my warm apartment and time has passed, let's think about this, shall we? How could my age have such a drastic effect on my ovaries in less than a month? Less then three weeks ago I was over-responding, now my age has suddenly crept up and drastically reduced my egg production?

Well, maybe my body is just tired of all of these drugs. And maybe I was overstimulated last cycle. Regardless of what the real reason is, I don't like the fact that I only have three eggs to play with when I had six last time and it still did not work.

I feel weepy and sad. I know I only need one egg, but it's hard not to get discouraged. This is my third injectible cycle.

What's next?


vee said...

Oh dear. I wish these "specialists" would engage their brains before opening their mouths. What is it with doctors that they can't say they don't know. I can't think of one earthly reason why something that undergoes a gradual decline, would crash and burn in a month. Rubbish, I reckon. Far more likely to be the decreased dose - but admit they decreased it more than they perhaps should have in retrospect? Oh, they couldn't possibly admit that.

This is the shittiest part of any cycle I always think. Once you are spermed up, I bet you'll feel less tearful. Don't let the bastards grind you down.

calliope said...

I do not have a medical degree, but I think your having less eggs this cycle than last is normal. We begin each cycle with antral follicles and those change from cycle to cycle. It is (sadly) out of our control. The fact that you have 3 now vs. last month's 10 should not be the ONLY thing that your RE takes into consideration. If your fsh levels were rising then maybe some flags should be raised.

But I hear you on your need to be tough. I am rolling up my sleeves & putting on my leather jacket & getting tough right along with you.

Anonymous said...

i have no answers, just wanted you to know that i am thinking good things for you.

mrsbluemont said...

all hail the tough women! i have no advice, but am cheering you on. xoxo

Lo said...

I'm praying the Tougher Than Tina Cycle.

It seems normal to me (I am so, so, so not a doctor) that you would have decreased production if you went straight from cycle to cycle. I'm saying that b/c Co made ninety gajillion eggs or follies or whichever.....*after* being suppressed by birth control for a few weeks. Does that make sense?

and decreased meds would equal decreased responding, wouldn't it. duh.

Co said...

it's true that not all follies will produce mature eggs. did he test your estradiol (e2) levels? that number gives an idea of how many follies have eggs growing in them, i think?

i hate when re's are cryptic. i remember my re's nurse biting her lip when one of my follies didn't grow at all in 2 days. she said it was "not good." i asked her why and she didn't have an answer. i think sometimes that stuff is bs. how many women -- who don't get reg. u/s's -- must that happen too? i bet lots and i bet many of them get pg, too. i think in part the re experience sucks b/c they keep scrutinizing you.

i agree with lo. it seems to me that if you got overstimmed last cycle, your ovaries might be less productive this one. i also think it's probably normal to have an occasional not-as-good cycle, esp. if you're stressed or sick or whatever.

i am hopeful that 3 is your magic number tho. one blogger i know produced only 1 egg her injectables cycle, was disappointed and got pg. so, maybe 3 is your ticket.

but i wish you'd had better results. it's so frustrating to go thru so much and not get the return you deserve.

EggDropBlogger said...

Thanks, Co! I will march in there tomorrow and demand to know my e2levels.

sara said...

well, I'm not sure that I have anything smart to say, but I do know the feeling-- hang in there-- I'm sending lots of good vibes your way!