I know that Cali says that I don't have to be tough for the IVP (and I love you for that, Cali!), I know I can let my hair down with you gals, but I'm feeling the need to cling to something "extra" this cycle to get me through.
Otherwise I feel like I might completely melt with despair. It sounds silly, but it is true. Everyday I wake up to face an extremely challenging work situation. I do think that the stress is getting to me.
And there are the damn RE visits. Last Saturday, when I saw Dr. Feelgood (the one I like), he told me that despite the recent increase in injectible medication, I only have about three eggs to play with this cycle.
And, then he said to me, soberly, 'well your ovaries just aren't responding like they used to."
"What? What do you mean Dr. Feelgood, last cycle I had 10 eggs, which is why Dr. Killjoy decreased my dosage. I don't understand."
"Well, what really matters is how many eggs get stimulated, not how many follicles you have."
To me, he was speaking gibberish and after waiting two hours to see him on a blistering Saturday morning, I just didn't have the energy for his word maze.
But now that I'm home in my warm apartment and time has passed, let's think about this, shall we? How could my age have such a drastic effect on my ovaries in less than a month? Less then three weeks ago I was over-responding, now my age has suddenly crept up and drastically reduced my egg production?
Well, maybe my body is just tired of all of these drugs. And maybe I was overstimulated last cycle. Regardless of what the real reason is, I don't like the fact that I only have three eggs to play with when I had six last time and it still did not work.
I feel weepy and sad. I know I only need one egg, but it's hard not to get discouraged. This is my third injectible cycle.