Thursday, December 6, 2007

Swoosh

What a roller coaster ride!

So I had my saline sonogram, aka my “no pain no gain exam” and it hurt like hell, but I got through it by gritting my teeth and holding Nadia’s hand. After the torture was over, I was expecting my doctor to say, ‘Congratulations, the surgery was a major success and you are all set to go!” In retrospect maybe I was a little naïve.

He told me that my uterus ‘looked good’ that there were no longer any masses or major distortions. However, he did take the time to draw me a picture so that I could see what he saw.

Apparently, because of the surgery, my uterus is still slightly distorted, though far better than it was before. I looked at him with a kind of WTF face and he said, ‘what does this mean? Well, I don’t know.” I wanted to say, ‘You don’t know? You mean to tell me that I have endured major abdominal surgery, two weeks of excruciating pain followed by four weeks of manageable pain and discomfort and at the end of all of that, you don’t know how to interpret this very costly picture of my uterus? WTF?!?” That was what I wanted to say, but the reality is that I was feeling too vulnerable to say anything. I know that there are no guarantees in life, but since he encouraged me to have the surgery, I was hoping for a more positive result. I really was.

We agreed that I would call him when Auntie Flow paid a visit and that I would start the next injectible cycle later this month.

After the visit, I was not a happy camper. In fact, I will confess that I was on the verge of tears when Nadia—the eternal pessimist—showed me some sunshine.

She said that she heard things differently. She said that she thought he seemed very positive. She reminded me that doctors rarely commit to anything. She told me that I should take what he said in stride and not allow myself to think negatively. She said she felt good about the visit and that she was excited to start trying again.

I'm glad that she was there to lead me out of the darkness.

6 comments:

vee said...

Your wife is a wise woman. Good luck on your upcoming try - you're back in the game!!

blkgrlphd said...

I am glad that Nadia was there too. Don't worry. Get back in the game with the same commitment as before. You've got to be in it to win it.

calliope said...

oh honey. so sorry for the confusion. It is SO good that you brought Nadia. I am like you- when a doctor starts talking I ONLY hear doom and gloom. It is always good to have some fresh ears in the room to "translate" later.

I am going to listen to Nadia and take this as a step in the right direction!

xo

Co said...

I am glad Nadia was there for you. It is important to remember that doctors will never be too glowing.

But I hear you. You wanted to be told everything looked perfect. You wanted to be told all your suffering had not been in vain. You wanted to be told that now you will get pg. And you didn't get told that. Blech. Doctors.

But I am hopeful for you that this will make a huge difference. Good luck.

oneofhismoms said...

Go Nadia!

Please give her a thank-you hug for me. She really stepped up.

I, too, am feeling posisitve for you. I really am.

Anonymous said...

Ok, I am trying to hear the upside to all this, but honestly I am not impressed with the bedside manner. Could he not give some % thing here?

However I cannot imagine that he would have put you through all this, if he did not think it would work, and will just consider it a male thing - poor communicator.

This thing has got to work, and I am channeling major positive energy and thoughts your way.

Hang in there.

Sista

ps have you gone back to work?