Nadia and I are in Canada and we had a wonderful discussion about the baby. We talked about our fears, and I let her know that I'm afraid that she does not really want to do this. She has not been able to be present for any of my inseminations, and I worry about whether or not she will totally and completely embrace the child whenever it's born.
Additionally, she is so completely dedicated to the foster care system and to the idea of adoption that I feel frivolous when I am telling her about my endless drs appointments, medications and new fertility diets.
In response she shared with me her insecurities about motherhood. To her credit, I think being a non-biological mom has its challenges in this process. She is the invisible mommy in a world where having two moms is not natural. And what further compounds the situation is the thousands of black and brown children in foster care who are aching to be adopted, so I totally get her point of view.
For me, having this child is about passing on the love from my mom, who I lost many years ago. I am not opposed to adoption at some point, but due to my age, artificial insemination is my passage to motherhood right now.
I think we get each other.