When I decided to have my myomectomy, I decided that I would tell people that I was having a myomectomy. Normally, I am a very private person, but I did not want to tell people that I was having surgery and then leave the rest to their imagination. I did not want them to go wild, thinking that I had a brain tumor, malignant cancer or something equally as egregious, so I told the truth, but that decision lead to several little lies.
For example, as soon as word got out around the office about my myomectomy, folks--who I normally don't speak to very much--would come up to me and converse with me about the “length of my periods”, the” size of my fibroids”, “my physical discomfort”. People assumed that I had fibroids the size of watermelons growing uncontrollably inside my uterus and that that was why I had to have the surgery. More often then not, they started confiding to me about their fibroid symptoms including: anemia; discomfort--due to their size; and the length of their periods, which in some cases lasted over two weeks.
I feel bad because I didn’t have the courage to set the record straight. And it's not because I am not an honest person or that I lack integrity. I just didn't want people to know the truth--which is that that the only reason I had the surgery was because my RE thought it was preventing me from getting pregnant. Given their size, location, and the minimal effect they had on my body, I could have lived with them forever, but for the fact that they were distorting my uterus.
I have to admit that I feel a bit guilty about the fact that I did not clarify, or set the record straight with my well meaning colleagues. In some cases, I even elaborated on a particular 'mythical' symptom because, in some instances, if I said nothing or refused to respond, it would have created more suspicion or, at the very least, lead to more agonizing discussion. And in most cases, I wanted the fibroid exchanges to be very, very brief, if I had to have them at all.
So, this is a kind of confession. Thanks for listening. I did what I did for a reason and if I had to do it over again, I would handle it exactly the same way, but I don't feel good about it.
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2 comments:
I don't think you need to feel so badly. You were open about the type of surgery you were having, but it is *absolutely* your choice not to reveal that you are trying to have children. many people consider that to be a personal, private thing, and why should you be any different just because you are a lesbian (and need interventions)?
I don't think you need to feel badly either. TTC is a very private or very public thing and its your choice as to which way it goes. telling fibs, or expanding on the mythical is definetely OK if you are trying to keep such a huge thing like ttc private.
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