Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Six Months and Counting

I had a really great time in the Poconos this weekend with Nadia. We hiked, laughed and loved. It felt good.

I also had a session with a reflexologist this weekend, which was extremely relaxing. She told me about the healing powers of reflexology. According to her, it can cure many ills, including infertility. When she said that, my ears perked up. She told me that rubbing my feet in certain areas could stimulate my ovaries and help my reproductive area, and y'all know I need help, especially in light of my October surgery date.

Even though I really enjoyed my session, I fear that I might fall down the rabbit hole into fertility treatment wonderland. It seems as if every time I turn around someone is promising to help me get pregnant, and I need to be careful. I feel very vulnerable right now.

I feel like an easy mark for several reasons. First, I had 4 rounds of IUIs that did not work. Then I did fertility drugs and I was sure that it would work, but it did not. And now I am scheduled to have surgery to increase my chances of getting pregnant and carry the baby to term. It would be so easy to spend all of my money on fertility treatments because it would make me feel more in control, when all I can really do right now is wait until I can get back on the TTC hampster wheel again. I have to wait three whole cycles after the surgery to start TTC.

Six months is a long time, but maybe it will give me time to loose weight (I have gained 8lbs since I started TTC) and get my life together. Can I do all that in six months? On second thought, it might not be enough time…


Co said...

There were several times I'd be sitting in the waiting room of my R.E.'s office and think to myself, "Why are we all willing to sit here and wait forever and pay lots of money for the privilege of bloated ovaries, trans-vaginal ultrasounds and the like? Oh yeah, we want babies that much."

It is definitely a vulnerable position to be in. I don't think women who have never been there can truly appreciate it. I know many women who got pg "the natural way" without interventions who say things like, "Oh, but I'd never take fertility meds..." and I just want them to shut up. No one knows what they would or wouldn't try until they're there.

If acupuncture or reflexology are pleasant and you think they might help, go for it. Why not, right? But I get the fear of falling down the rabbit hole.

And yet, there is the hope, too... that maybe this next thing is going to change the outcome. There's no way to know. And that plain sucks.

owl said...

i started accupuncture after our iui and before starting IVF. i did it cos i wanted to be more wholistic in the treatment i was getting. i found it relaxing and it was something selfish to do just for me..not to mention that an hour a week i just got to be still (very rare when you have an almost 2 yr old). But then i felt the rabbit hole thing. that i was just doing it because there was the promise of it helping fertility. i think it helped me a little bit but i kept going back more from guilt than anything else. now $$ has become a big factor so i can't go back. if i had the money i would do anything and everything that promised fertilty!!!

Mo said...

Delurking to say, that I know how you feel. Even though having surgery sucks, it may help. Not saying this is the million dollar answer, but, I had heard from countless people about a sister or cousin or friend who was in our situation and got pregnant after fibroid removal. My partner and I were told by two doctors that my fibroids would not be an issue. After 4 attempts (with 2 day IUIs) we decided to see an RE (excellent doctor and great person). After an MRI, the RE said that the fibroids were indeed preventing me from getting pregnant. I had a myomectomy last September. We could have started trying again in November, but I wanted to give my body more time to heal. We started the whole IUI process again (now with the RE and 1 day IUIs) in January (we took February off because we were away at the time of ovulation) and got pregnant in March. Hope this helps you feel better about having the surgery…

EggDropBlogger said...

Wow, Mo! That is so helpful. I am so happy for you. I feel more grounded an inspired after hearing your story. I will keep my fingers crossed. You should delurk more often.

As for the other comments, I do feel that I just need to take things slow and be thankful that I have good health insurance, a great doctor, a wonderful partner and a supportive blogosphere community. I believe that it is meant to be it will be.