Down the Rabbit Hole

Nadia and I fell down the rabbit hole and landed in the Caribbean for one week. Everything is upside down: we are stressfree, stressfree, stressfree. In others words, we are totally and completely unrecognizable to ourselves and each other.

I am loving it!

This vacation comes on the heels of an extremely stressful month where I learned I was not pregnant, served as the executive producer of a major fundraising event at work, found a new job and resigned (yes!). And then there was that fateful visit with Dr Feelgood.

Last week Nadia and I paid a visit to Dr Feelgood. The visit was a mixed bag. It went something like this:

Dr Feelgood: Wonk wonk wonk wonk wonk wonk well, you know when you are 38 blah blah blah blah 38 year old eggs blagity blagity blah at 38... If we have to list the top 10 factors for infertilty age would be the top 4.

I almost busted a gaskit.

EDB: Dr Feelgood, Nadia and I are painfully aware that I am of an advanced maternal age. This is the reason why we came to see you as soon as we decided to get pregnant. Can I help the fact that it took us forever to get our shit together?

Okay, maybe I didn't say all of that but I wanted to. Sometimes it's hard to handle the truth, especially when it could mean not having a baby. I felt my cheeks getting hot and I had to refrain from slapping him.

Anyhoo, the silver lining is that I do make eggs; last cycle I made at least 5 on moderate dosages of medication and according to Feelgood that is more than half the battle. Also Nadia's health insurance pays for IVF. Adding me to her plan was not a big deal despite the fact that we are two girls in love.

Dr Feelgood said that with so many failed IUIs it's time for me to move on to the big guns. Seven failed IUIs according to Feelgood usually means that the problem is beyond what he can see. He wants to examine my eggs-- get up close and personal. According to Feelgood my chances of getting pregnant with IVF are about 35% -- not bad.

Nadia's insurance kicks in July 1; the same day I start my new job. Given the timing I might wait a cycle or two before I jump back in the stirrups. Besides I want to enjoy the sun and the heat this summer.

Speaking of sun and heat, I am sitting on a secluded beach listening to the ocean as I write this on my handheld (please excuse the typos). Being in the Caribbean makes me think of my grandmum, Eva. She gave birth to 11 kids. I would love to bottle her mojo.

CD1

It didn't work.

Damn.

Killing Time

1DPO

Don't you just love A. Ged.de?
How cute is this photo?

One Can Only Hope

I can only hope that this is what is going on inside of me right now. I am feeling the ovulation pain. No pain, no gain, right?

Two more weeks to go. Ugh!

Slimmed Where Everybody Knows My Name

So I have been officially slimmed. Today Dr. Feelgood injected me with about 17.5 million spermies. How exciting! And it turms out that I have about 4 or 5 eggs in play but, of course, you never know what may happen. Tomorrow I go back for another round.

What is weird about going to the RE these days is that everyone there knows my name now. I feel a bit like a celebrity and it is bittersweet. It's sweet to feel like people are routing for me. They really cheer me on and know my story and there is something comforting to that. But I am a wee bit bitter about my 1.5 year long worth of visits to the RE's office. I long for the day when I graduate back to my OB-GYN where I am blissfully anonymous. Until then, I guess, you can just call me 'Norma'.

Rolling the Dice

CD8

Today I was the first in line to see Dr Feelgood. I was so early today I got there before the office was open. I was hoping that my early arrival would be a good sign and I think it was.

I am now on my 7th IUI cycle. The last one got cancelled because I only had one egg. It looks like I will have 3 this go around--not bad.

This is the last IUI before IVF. I hope this is the One. IUIs will be Thursday and Friday.

Come on lucky 7...