Nadia and I had a wondeful, very private, wedding ceremony in Canada. The Canadians are so civilized. They never even batted an eyelash when we asked for the license or when we approached the JP (justice of the peace).
I keep reminding everyone involved that this was a same-sex marriage, they would look at me and say, "so?"
What is wrong with this country?
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Monday, May 28, 2007
She 'gets' me
Nadia and I are in Canada and we had a wonderful discussion about the baby. We talked about our fears, and I let her know that I'm afraid that she does not really want to do this. She has not been able to be present for any of my inseminations, and I worry about whether or not she will totally and completely embrace the child whenever it's born.
Additionally, she is so completely dedicated to the foster care system and to the idea of adoption that I feel frivolous when I am telling her about my endless drs appointments, medications and new fertility diets.
In response she shared with me her insecurities about motherhood. To her credit, I think being a non-biological mom has its challenges in this process. She is the invisible mommy in a world where having two moms is not natural. And what further compounds the situation is the thousands of black and brown children in foster care who are aching to be adopted, so I totally get her point of view.
For me, having this child is about passing on the love from my mom, who I lost many years ago. I am not opposed to adoption at some point, but due to my age, artificial insemination is my passage to motherhood right now.
I think we get each other.
Additionally, she is so completely dedicated to the foster care system and to the idea of adoption that I feel frivolous when I am telling her about my endless drs appointments, medications and new fertility diets.
In response she shared with me her insecurities about motherhood. To her credit, I think being a non-biological mom has its challenges in this process. She is the invisible mommy in a world where having two moms is not natural. And what further compounds the situation is the thousands of black and brown children in foster care who are aching to be adopted, so I totally get her point of view.
For me, having this child is about passing on the love from my mom, who I lost many years ago. I am not opposed to adoption at some point, but due to my age, artificial insemination is my passage to motherhood right now.
I think we get each other.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Pee Stick Results
Okay so the pee stick has two pink lines which means I am ovulating. I called the dr. and I am going in tomorrow for another round of inseminations. Then I am off to Canada. Nadia and I are eloping.
Attitude Grattitude
I just had my ultrasound and the attending dr. (not my wonderful dr) was a bit of a jerk. He did not explain himself clearly and got an attitude when I told him he was not making any sense. Can you believe that?
At any rate, now he wants me to use an ovulator predictor kit so see if there is a surge. All I am thinking about is how much money this whole 'project' is going to cost me and this is before I have even thought about college tuition when jr. turns 18.
The entire baby making industry (as wonderful as it is) is quite expensive and I do feel very lucky, spoiled and self-indulgent as I invest more of my time, energy and money into it.
Anyway, I am off to buy another pee stick to add to my collection at home. So far, I have early response pregnancy kits, regular response pregnancy kits and now I will have an ovulation kit.
Wish me luck!
At any rate, now he wants me to use an ovulator predictor kit so see if there is a surge. All I am thinking about is how much money this whole 'project' is going to cost me and this is before I have even thought about college tuition when jr. turns 18.
The entire baby making industry (as wonderful as it is) is quite expensive and I do feel very lucky, spoiled and self-indulgent as I invest more of my time, energy and money into it.
Anyway, I am off to buy another pee stick to add to my collection at home. So far, I have early response pregnancy kits, regular response pregnancy kits and now I will have an ovulation kit.
Wish me luck!
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Another Round of 'Wait and See'
Okay, so tomorrow, I start on the treadmill again. I am going to the Dr to have an ultrasound and then he will tell me when to return for the two inseminations. I am a bit skeptical at this point.
The donor I used before, the donor I was in love with 57## was not available so I had to go with donor 37##. He is African American and German? I hope this works. I am not as in love with him as I was with my other baby daddy, but if his boys can swim that is all that matters.
The donor I used before, the donor I was in love with 57## was not available so I had to go with donor 37##. He is African American and German? I hope this works. I am not as in love with him as I was with my other baby daddy, but if his boys can swim that is all that matters.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Queer Concepts
Even though I am taking time off from 'the process', I still think about it all of the time. What would it be like for me to have a baby? Can I handle it? Do I have the patience? Will I have the money? Will I have the support of friends and family? Will my child feel loved?
It is strange to think that I am 37 years old and yet I feel like a child. On days like today, I feel as if I've made many mistakes; taken so many bad turns; let many loved ones slip out of my orbit.
What kind of role model will I be for my child?
And am I making another bad decision?
I feel guilty, for example, that I am a lesbian using a sperm donor. I can hear my grandmother telling me how unnatural it is, "that is just unGodly," she would say. It's not just that I am going to a fertility specialist, for Grandmum it is the idea that two women would have the hubris to think that they could raise a normal, healthy, child.
And yet,in my heart of hearts, as a Christian I don't believe that there is only one truth and that there is only one path. I don't believe my life is wrong, just out of sync with what the majority thinks it should be.
But my opposition could be a good thing. When I think of Jesus Christ and his opposition to the norms of the day, I am inspired to let my light shine in the only way I know how.
I want to pass on the love I received from my grandmother, aunts and mother to my child, so that the circle of life continues on. I believe that in queering the norms of the day, we create a universe for all God's children.
It is strange to think that I am 37 years old and yet I feel like a child. On days like today, I feel as if I've made many mistakes; taken so many bad turns; let many loved ones slip out of my orbit.
What kind of role model will I be for my child?
And am I making another bad decision?
I feel guilty, for example, that I am a lesbian using a sperm donor. I can hear my grandmother telling me how unnatural it is, "that is just unGodly," she would say. It's not just that I am going to a fertility specialist, for Grandmum it is the idea that two women would have the hubris to think that they could raise a normal, healthy, child.
And yet,in my heart of hearts, as a Christian I don't believe that there is only one truth and that there is only one path. I don't believe my life is wrong, just out of sync with what the majority thinks it should be.
But my opposition could be a good thing. When I think of Jesus Christ and his opposition to the norms of the day, I am inspired to let my light shine in the only way I know how.
I want to pass on the love I received from my grandmother, aunts and mother to my child, so that the circle of life continues on. I believe that in queering the norms of the day, we create a universe for all God's children.
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